Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
