3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
