a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
