respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
