how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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