Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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