she smelled like a LAN party
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
