if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
