We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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