I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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