Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
