Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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