I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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