Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
