Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
