Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
