so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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