Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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