couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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