i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
