dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
