i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
