Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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