I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
