nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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