you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
