I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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