Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
