Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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