Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No subtext here. People are naked.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
