Im at strip club and am horny
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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