even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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