I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize