we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
