I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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