All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
