My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
