It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
