cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
17 year olds will be the death of me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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