Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize