I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
