what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
