the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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