the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
