Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
