Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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