Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
