I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My penis needs a shock collar
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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