Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
