In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
