so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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