Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
