im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
