Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
