So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
