I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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