Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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