So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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