you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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