the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
