Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
