he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
