please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
