He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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