i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.