four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
