if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.