Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...