Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.