Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
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