my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
