Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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