If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
