I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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