There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
