Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
