Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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