This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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