from now on my penis is your penis
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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